


Satan McWrath: Private Eye

by OnFridayWeFangirl



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1930s, Gender-Neutral Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Private Investigators, Shall we date: Obey me AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:14:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24932845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnFridayWeFangirl/pseuds/OnFridayWeFangirl
Summary: Satan retells his adventures as a PI in the 1930s
Relationships: Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This story is dedicated to my datemate, Kohi, who inspired me to attempt to write a gender neutral reader. Love you, babe. <3

It was a dark night as I sat in my office, a glass of whiskey in my hand, and only the light from the bare bulb hanging from the ceiling to cast a dim glow across the small cramped office. Times were hard and business was slow, I hadn’t seen a case in weeks; so you can imagine my surprise when you walked through my door. 

It was obvious that you weren’t from this side of town; your expensive clothes and designer shades not the typical garb of the rough gang that frequented my neck of the woods. You made your way further into my office and I could tell just by the way you walked, you were gonna be trouble, trouble that I didn’t have the time for. 

“I’m closed,” I barked gruffly, taking a swig from my glass before setting it down and leaning back in my chair. 

“Please,’ you begged, desperation obvious in your tone as you wring your hands. “I don’t know where else to turn. Everyone else laughed in my face.” 

“And what makes you think that I will react any differently?” My eyes wander down to the gold band that gleams on your ring finger and roll my eyes. “Listen, I don’t handle marriage squabbles so if you are looking for someone to track your cheating spouse, you’re better off heading over to Mephistopheles’ agency. It might cost you your soul but he always holds up his side of the deal.”

“It isn’t like that.” I hear the sound of your shoes on the wood floor as you move towards my desk. “It’s been a week, Mr. McWrath. A whole week and I haven’t heard so much a peep. Our marriage isn’t like that, something is wrong.” 

Whirling my chair around, prepared to dismiss you further when I get a look at your face as you pull the sunglasses from your eyes and shove them into the pocket of your tailored coat. You have eyes that shine in the darkness of the room and a face so sweet that it could charm the knickers right off a nun. 

“Please, Mr. McWrath. Everyone else thinks I am crazy but I know my love wouldn’t do me like that. They wouldn’t just up and leave” 

I pull my eyes from your face as I pick up my glass and take a swig, contemplating my next move. 

“You’d be better suited at one of the fancier agencies downtown.” Pushing the glass across the desk, I retrieve my notebook from the top left-hand drawer and flip it open to a blank page. “I am not gonna hold your hand and tell you that everything is alright. I deal in truths and facts, no matter how hard they are to swallow. 

You let a breath of relief, “Oh thank you Mr. McWrath, thank you so much.” 

“Call me Satan,” I remark offhandedly as I pick up a pen and poise myself to write. “Now, tell me about the last time you saw your partner.” 

I watch as you ease yourself into the chair and sit gracefully, hands folded in your lap. 

“Like I said before, it has been about a week since we last spoke. A quick phone call, letting me know that work was running late and not to wait up. I didn’t think much of it, I spend a lot of evenings home alone you see, but when I woke up the next morning alone, I knew something was wrong.” 

There was a slight hitch in your voice as you continued and I pulled my handkerchief from my pocket and handed it to you. 

“Thank you,” you sniffed, blotting your eyes. “I called everyone, but no one had heard anything. I went to the police but they brushed me off saying people leave their spouses and all time and that maybe I should look for a good divorce lawyer. But it’s not like that Mr. McWrath, I am telling you. We had a good life together, there is no reason to leave and I can feel it in my bones that something is wrong.” 

I nod, scribbling down notes as I take your story in. I wasn’t gonna say it aloud just yet but this seemed like a pretty open and close case. A lover jilted for a new fling. I’m sure a little digging will stir up some proof and I can be back to relaxing by Friday. 

“Alright, I’ll take your case, but I expect the retainer up front and when I get to the bottom of this, you accept the news even if it isn’t what you want to hear, you got it?” I close the notebook and tuck it into my pocket. 

“Yes, of course, Mr. McWrath, I just need answers.” 

“It’s Satan, please,” I chide as I push out of my chair and walk to the door, opening it for you. “We will start first thing in the morning. Meet me outside at 10 am and we will hit the ground running.” 

You stood up quickly, brushing the wrinkles from your clothes, and gave me a thankful nod as you slide the sunglasses back up over your nose. Reaching into your pocket, you pulled out an envelope and pressed it into my hand as you walked past. 

“Thank you again, I can’t tell you how much I appreciated this. I’ll be back in the morning.” You walked out the door and I watched you leave, your gait the most eloquent thing to grace these halls in a long time. 

As you turn the corner and leave my sight, I push the door shut. I stride back to my desk and throw myself into the chair, taking a moment to pull a bottle of whiskey from the floor and refill my glass. I tip it back draining it, the warm liquid burning my throat on the way down. A bloody bleeding heart, that’s what I was becoming these days, taking a case for the first set of pretty eyes that cried in my general direction. 

I rip open the top of the envelope dumping to find a large stack of cash. My eyebrows rising as I began to count; it was triple my retainer with a little extra. It appeared that you were willing to do whatever it takes to get your love back and lucky for you, you just happen to come to the best damn detective in town. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I step out the front door of my building and grimace. It is another cold day, the clouds hanging overhead like some kind of bad omen, warning me to watch my step on this case. 

I see you there, standing off to the side of the building, looking anxiously at your wristwatch. 

“I was starting to think you weren’t going to come,” you admit as I approach, relief washing over your face. 

I scoff as I place my fedora on my head, “I may be considered an unsavory character up there where you are from, but I am not a liar; my word is golden.” 

I placed a hand on your back, guiding you to turn as I began to walk down the sidewalk. 

“I think we need to start by checking the places that your partner was last seen. Work, their car, things like that.” 

You nodded as you began to walk with me, struggling to keep pace with my long strides. 

“Then, we will want to start at the pawnshop down on 32nd.” 

I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at your statement as I once again took in the richness of your clothes. 

“I mean no offense by this, but you don’t exactly look like the kind to be holing up with some pawnbroker.” 

“None taken. My partner is an accountant, there is lots of travel involved, and Mr. Gold just happened to be yesterday’s client.”  
I pulled my notebook back out of my pocket and jotted down Gold’s name among the notes from the night before. I was well acquainted with Mammon Gold. He was the town swindler, known on more than one occasion to be selling stolen goods in his shop.

“Did your partner make it a habit to associate with unsavory characters?” 

“Unsavory characters?” There was a recognizable tone of confusion in your voice. You stopped walking, causing me to follow suit and turn back to look at you, “Mr. McWrath, if you are implying that my partner was involved in criminal activity, I would implore you to change your approach.” Your hands clenched into fists as you leveled a glare at me. “What place would an accountant have in the criminal underworld?”

I took a few steps towards you, my voice serious. “You’d be surprised the double lives some people live.” 

I wheeled around then and restarting my trek towards the pawnshop. “Disagree with me all you want, Sweet Cheeks, but I’ve been in this business for a long time. No one is ever who you think they are. “

With a huff, you hurried to follow behind me, your eyes practically burning holes in the back of my head, but I didn’t turn to give you another glance. It didn’t matter if you liked me, what mattered is that I found the answers you were looking for and got paid. After that, we could both wash our hands off each other. 

Turning the corner, a giant flashing sign came into view. ‘Gold’s Pawnshop.’ 

“This will be it. Mind yourself. Gold is a sneaky bastard; he will pick your pocket faster than you can say, Barbatos is your uncle.” 

You gave me a worried look. I watched as you began to tuck your valuables into the inner pockets of your jacket before you followed me inside. 

A small bell situated above the door announced our arrival, and a short man with stark white hair and tinted yellow glasses whirled to greet us.

“McWrath, you old so and so, what brings you into my shop today?” He turned his gaze to you, and his eyebrows rose. “Don’t tell me that you are finally done playing Sherlock and decided to settle down.” He leans toward you and places a hand in a mock conspiratorial fashion against the side of his mouth, “Between me and you, hot stuff, he’s trading up if you are the prize.” 

I slam my hand down on the counter, startling Mammon into an upright position. “Listen here, Gold, I am not here to play your games, we need to ask you a few questions about the accountant working in your shop a few days ago.” 

Mammon scoffed, adjusting his glasses and running a hand through his hair. “Whatcha want with that smuck? I don’t know nothing bout him, he did the books and left Bam boom end of story.” 

He opened a small door that the other end of the counter and walked to the front, pulling the front door wide. “Now, if you don’t mind, I need ya to leave; you are gonna scare away the customers with your mug.”

I strode across the room in a few short movements, picking Mammon up by the collar and pushing him against the window, his feet leaving the floor as I pushed him upward. 

“No, you listen here, and you listen good, you no good scumbag; you will give me the information that I am looking for, and you are going to give it to me now. Otherwise, I may be tempted to truss you up and leave you up at the docks for the Peacock to find. I hear he is dying to get his hands on you after you robbed him blind in a poker game last month.”

The color drained from Mammon’s face, and his words began to come out in stuttering blurts. “Woah McWrath, woah. No need to get extreme, I told you I don’t know anything.” 

He struggled against my grip but found that my grip held tight. He looked to you with pleading eyes and slammed him against the glass once more. 

“I know you know something, Gold, you wouldn’t let just anyone touch your money.” I brought my face in close and glared at him. “Now, tell me what you know.” 

“Fine, fine…” he began, “I’ll tell you what I know, but first, let me have a little dignity and put me down.” 

I lowered him to the ground and stepped back, crossing my arms. He stood up straight, brushing the wrinkles from his clothes and looking indignant. 

“The chump was recommended to me; apparently, the work could be done under the table and real discreet like.” He shrugged, walking back around to the counter. “I don’t know much more about it. Came in, did the books, and when they were done, there was a black town car waiting outside. That’s all I know.” 

I look to you, gaging your reaction. You look surprised, leaving me to guess that this was not a part of your partner’s job that you were acquainted with. 

“You said recommended. Who gave you the recommendation?”

Mammon blanched a bit. “Now listen here, I told you that I would tell you what I know, I didn’t say I’d be your stool pigeon.” 

I started to pull up my sleeves, intent on threatening him again when you stepped forward. 

“Please, Mr. Gold,” you pleaded, “ my partner is all I have left in the world. If you could just give us this one last bit of information.” You reached down to your wrist and unclasped the gold watch that had been hidden beneath the sleeve of your jacket. “I would be happy to compensate you for your time.” 

Mammon’s eyes shone greedily as you held the watch out to you. He snatched it quickly, holding it up into the light to inspect it. Looking satisfied, he dropped it into his pocket and looked back up at us. 

“I got the recommendation from the Admiral. You know the weird shut-in that’s holed up in the old lighthouse? Each month I run him out the comics that get pawn off here at the store, they don’t really have much turn around, ya know, and then in return, he gives me the latest gossip from his other connections. He’s a weird one, but his info is legit.”

I pull my notepad out and jot down a few notes before turning back to Gold. 

“We will see ourselves out.” 

I gesture towards the door and follow behind you as you begin to exit. I hold the door as you step into the street, and just before I make my own way out, I look back to the counter. 

“Mums the word on this, Gold. If I find out you are blabbing on us being here, I will personally hunt you down and make your regret your scummy existence.” 

With that, I pushed my way out the door to join you on the sidewalk. 

“Have you heard of this Admiral before, Mr. Mcwrath,” you ask as we begin to walk back towards my office. 

I nod, slipping my notebook and my hands into my pocket. “He’s a well know informant around these parts, plays both sides from what I have heard, but he sounds like our next stop. I hope you brought your swimsuit, darling, because it looks like we are heading to the beach.”


	2. Chapter 2

The car ride to Otaku Island was a quiet one; neither of us wanting to be the first to talk. An awkwardness seemed to hang between us after the visit with Gold, and I couldn't but feel that it had something to do with the uncovered secrets. 

The crunching of the wheels on gravel filled the car as we turned off the highway onto the side road that ran beside the lighthouse. It was considerably less smooth, and I saw your base yourself against the dash as we continued forward. 

Pulling the car to a stop in front of the lighthouse, I turned to you, feeling a bit awkward. 

"Listen, I know that learning things like this about someone you love can be a little hard to swallow..." 

You pulled the sun visor down, checking your face in the mirror. " I am tougher than I look, Mr. McWrath." You flipped it shut and turned to me, a stern look gracing the features of your face. "I just want to get to the bottom of this. Shall we?" 

I watched as you reached for the door handle and followed in suit, placing my hat on my head once I was outside. The lighthouse that loomed before us had seen better days, the saltwater and wind of the sea taking its toll.

Nodding to you, I step forward and lift a tentative fist to knock on the door. We wait a few moments, but there is not a sound to be heard from inside. I knock again, firmer this time, and the sound of shuffling is audible from the other side of the door. 

The door opened a few inches, and a pair of orange eyes stared out at them. 

"Wh- what do you want? Whatever you are selling, I am not interested." The individual moved to shut the door, but I jammed my foot into the doorway before he had a chance. 

"We are here to see the Admiral; Mammon Gold said you might have some information on an account he hired a few days ago." 

The orange eyes blinked a few times. "I don't know any accountants. Pl - please leave me in peace." 

A pressure pressed against my foot as the door an attempt to force the door shut was made again, but this time I was prepared. I pushed my shoulder against the door, my voice dropping low. 

"I recommend you let us in, Leviathan, I would hate to have to unleash my wrath on your front door. It's rather difficult to keep people out when you can't shut the door."

There was a reluctant sigh escaping from the figure, and the door swung open to reveal a thin man with startling purple hair. 

"Come in if you must, but let's make this brief. I have more important things to do than let you waste my time." He turned and walked into the dim light of the room and calling as he went along. "Make yourself decent Henry; it appears we are to play hosts to some unexpected company. 

I motioned for you to follow as I step over the threshold and into the lighthouse. Once inside, we found ourselves in a strange room, strewn with comic books and newspapers on every available surface. Around the walls ran what appeared to be an elaborate tubing system connected to several fish bowls around the room. 

"This is an... er... interesting set up you have here," I comment as I watch  
Levithan shares what appears to be a conspiratorial look with a small goldfish occupying one of the bowls on the far side of the room. 

"It suits our needs," he responds in kind as he turns back towards us. "Now, what is it that you wanted to talk with me about."

"Gold said that you recommended an accountant to you. Quiet and willing to work under the table." 

Leviathan walked over to a small wingback chair surrounded by several stacks of comic books bearing the caption, "Rui Chan." 

"I-I might recall such an accountant. Real private type, didn't butt into my business." 

I pull my notebook out once more and start jotting down notes. "And how is it that you found yourself associated with such a person."

Levithan averted his gaze. "Such services are provided for me by my employer. I have a need, and the need is met. I don't really know where the help is acquired, just who sends them." 

I took a minute to observe his demeanor. Levithan seemed nervous and a bit shifty, not precisely the type who goes around kidnapping random accountants. I turn to you, sharing a look that implies that you had come to the same conclusion. 

"And who exactly would that employer be?" I hedged as I brought my gaze back around to him. 

"I th-think it is time for you to leave." Levithan sprung from his chair, his nerves getting the better of him. 

You step back towards the door, uncomfortable with the situation, but I take a few steps forward. 

"This is a lovely fish you have here," I say as I admire the goldfish in the bowl in front of me. "Sure would be a shame if something were to happen to him." I lunge forward, grabbing a hold of one of the tubes connected to the bowl. 

"Henry, NO!" Levithan lunged towards me prepared to push me away from the bowl but stopped short as he noticed the determined look in my eyes. "Please, don't hurt Henry."

"Everyone can get out of this unscathed, just tell me who you work for." 

Hesitating for a moment, he looked back and forth between the fish and myself. 

"Fine, fine, I'll tell you anything just leave him alone."

I stepped back, and he rushed forward, defensively folding his body around the bowl. He began to coo at the fish, and I turned to you, shaking my head. 

"Spill it, Admiral."

Levithan turned back around, malice in his gaze. "I work for Big Lu, the Peacock. I collect intel for him, and he lets me live here rent-free, making sure I stay well cared for." 

I can't help but raise an eyebrow. The Peacock was no chump, and hearing such a big name wrapped up in a case about a missing account brought more than a few questions to mind. 

"What's a big wig like Lu want with a run of the mill accountant." 

"I d-don't know. I don't ask questions; I just do what He asks," Levithan replied, making sure to keep his position between me and the fishbowl.

"Alright, so, where do I find Big Lu these days?" 

"I am not privy to that kind of information," he insists. "But, I do remember hearing something about him going to see that big lounge singer downtown at the Lust Palace." 

"Asmodeus?" you interject, and I turn to you, eyebrows raising. "I heard about him on the radio," you add with a shrug.

"Y-Yeah, that's the one," Levithan agrees, nodding his head adamantly. "He and Big Lu had some kind of arrangement going on, and Lu is set on collecting."

I jot down a few more notes and shove the notebook back in my pocket. "Sounds like The Peacock has his eggs in a few nests around town, doesn't it?" 

I rub my chin thoughtfully before tipping my hat at The Admiral. "Thanks for your time, we shall leave you to care for your...erm... fish."

Turning, I loop arm through yours and lead you to the door. "Let's get out of here in case the crazy is contagious." We share a conspiratorial smile and push our way out the door into the twilight.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Levithan stared daggers at the door as it shut behind them. 

"That no-good McWrath," he spat as he turned back to Henry, "He's always sticking his nose where it doesn't belong." 

He reached for a tub of fish food sitting on the nearby table and shook some into the bowl Henry was occupying. 

"He's getting too close Henry. I think it's time we sound the warning bell so that someone can take care of our dear Satan."


End file.
